Thank you 2018.

As usual, the end of the year is a time for reflection on what has passed and a time to look forward to whats to come. Every year, I like to write something to mark these reflections.

This year I have found myself struggling a little bit with how to word what it is I want to say, so I think I will start by simply saying thank you. Thank you 2018 for the lessons you have taught me and thank you for making me see what and who is really important in life so that I am better able to move forward without being weighed down by all the utter bullshit and bastards that have been a part of the weirdest year I can remember in a long time!

Now, everyone here will know by now that this year I am now:

A) No longer with my husband.

B) Happily head over heels in love with someone new… and

C) Knocked up 🙂

Some of you will know the circumstances, some wont. I haven’t hidden information out of guilt, I have simply never felt the need to air all the details of my personal life on the internet. A somewhat ADULT concept that sadly some other less mature individuals have yet to grasp.

That being said, My love has advised me that I should get it all out, get everything I want to say, said. So I don’t take any of it with me into 2019. And he is usually right…. so here goes.

Yes, I cheated on my husband. I fell in love with another man and acted upon those feelings before ending my marriage. Am I sorry? Yes. For the hurt I caused my husband. Am I proud of my actions? No. It was by far the most cuntish thing I have ever done. Do I regret my actions?… Not one fucking bit. I should also say that I wasn’t the only one already in a relationship when all this started. Nope… he was on year 9 of a potential life sentence when we met and does he regret his actions… also NO.

No one (and I do mean NO ONE) knew what my state of mind was at the end of my marriage and the same can be said about what life was like for him in his relationship.  It is all too easy to put on a happy facade thanks to social media but in truth, no one knows what goes on behind peoples front doors and our lives were no exception. We found each other and realised that we did not have to stay in the psychologically destructive, depressive and negative relationships that we were in and that we were actually deserving of happiness just like everyone else.

Now please don’t take this as me bashing my ex… this is not about him and I honestly don’t have any reason to say anything negative about him here at all. This is about me wanting to take aim at all the pieces of shit that don’t even know me, and yet suddenly all became experts in the ins and outs of my marriage. Pathetic assholes that sat around the bar discussing my private life like it was an episode of Eastenders because it made them feel clever and relevant when in reality it just reinforced the notion that their lives must be really empty and devoid of any real meaning. This is me saying a big FUCK YOU to anyone that thought it was ok to share personal information they had about me with other people just because it gave them some sort of sense of importance. This is a great big SUCK MY DICK to the 2 faced fuckwits that would smile to our faces while stabbing us in the back… and if anyone thinks they have gotten away with doing that… trust us, you haven’t. We know EVERYTHING that has been said by people. We just choose to smile and let you carry on thinking you are clever.

When we both ended our relationships and moved in with each other, we made the conscious decision to keep ourselves to ourselves. We were not going to be the type of people that went around slagging off our exes or trying to justify our actions and we were not going to to flaunt our relationship in front of our Exes because we didn’t want to cause any more hurt than we already had. We knew what we did and we knew our reasons. It was no one else’s business. Now as I said earlier… I don’t air my personal life that often… so where were these creatures getting their information?….well….while I can be civil and somewhat adult when talking about MY ex, I am afraid I cant say the same about HIS ex… or her new boyfriend for that matter.

Stalking my facebook and instagram pages, screen-shotting my posts to share amongst each other, going to his parents to try and get them on her side, getting other people to report back on our movements…. even our boring trips to Tesco would be discussed by these twats. Even now, 6 months later and despite having blocked SO many people from seeing my accounts, I know that people that are still on my friends list will share any information they think might be considered juicy gossip… and I have learned to accept it. People will talk. People, in general, cant be trusted…. but you would like to hope that your own family could be… right? Well… as it turns out.. no…

Imagine finding out that your own BROTHER is the person feeding the trolls all your personal information. Even taking away a moment as important as announcing my own pregnancy. Now I wasn’t going to be the “ultrasound pic on facebook” type (not hating those that do, just not my thing) … but having the father of your unborn child’s EX be the one discussing my pregnancy with her “friends” in the pub was not really my first choice for an announcement either. You might wonder why my own brother would choose to betray me like that… and bear in mind that he denied it for months… and from what  I understand, he was angry with me for cheating on my husband… calling me some pretty horrible things in the process…. my only response to that is to simply say this…. PEOPLE IN GLASS HOUSES, SHOULDN’T THROW STONES…. slagging me off to anyone that would listen, whilst not being so squeaky clean yourself… priceless.

As it turns out, NO ONE is as innocent as they would like people to think they are. Those that would play the victim are not all that they seem and anyone that so willingly accepts one persons version of events without question is obviously a fucking moron…. or in this case… a pub (mostly) full of morons. If anyone, at any point had come to either of us and asked us WHY we had done what we had done… we may have told them. We may have explained what our lives were really like…. maybe, just maybe, there would have been a bit of understanding. Not for our actions… we have never tried to defend those, but for what led us to our actions. Instead, they took the word of the first person to get a story out there. The “Victim” that didn’t understand how such a “happy relationship” could have been thrown away for ME of all people… and yet no one thought to question how “happy” it could really have been for him to throw away 9 years? People would rather spread gossip and half truths about people they don’t know then take 2 minutes to either A) Ask a direct question and get a direct answer.. or B) Take a breath and realise that it is NONE OF THEIR FUCKING BUSINESS.

This past 6 months have seen us lose a lot of people that we thought were friends. And while it may have hurt to begin with… we honestly couldn’t give a shit now. The ones that have stuck by us are all that matter. Those that choose to talk behind our backs, to cast nasty looks when they see us in town, to continue to discuss our actions when they find out something new… they can all go fuck themselves.

So thank you 2018 for teaching me that blood is not thicker than water and for removing all the pointless, pathetic assholes from our lives so that we can move into 2019 free from all the toxic bullshit that comes with them.

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